Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
