I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
