my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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