I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
