She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
