Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
