your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
