he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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