I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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