I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
