Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
