I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
