Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You are a genius and a whore.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
