i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
