Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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