you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
