i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
