google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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