um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
