mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
