I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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