loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
