mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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