I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
