Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
