like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
should my penis look like a turkey
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
