Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
