my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
