would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
