smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
