you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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