chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
