i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
