idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
