I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
