Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
