I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
