I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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