First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
organizing the empties. That sober.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
