Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Someone came in the potted fern
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
