The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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