So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i need some magic done to my vagina
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
