The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
