yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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