If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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