they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
