That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
