She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just want nice things and good sex
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
