How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
