The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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