he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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