this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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