I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
