I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
