remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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