hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
