he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
