So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
