i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
