worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
