You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
