he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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