He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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